Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Monkey on Mushrooms.

The year was 2003. The atmosphere was throbbing with anticipation. This was like a dream! A much awaited wedding which most thought would never happen. As they walked into the large luxurious room, rubbing a shoulder here, a small pat there, wetting their lips to hide their nervousness, their eyes reflecting the immensity of the occasion. What would happen next? Will the mental picturisation match real performance? Would the expectations be fulfilled? It is going to be a hard and long journey together. Will the bounce and wild screaming last long?

At that moment, out in the lawns of the venue of Global Investors Meet, the monkey ate the Mushrooms.

It is not an easy trip by any standards. Mushrooms could be Magic. As the promises of money in the form of Investments were heard the monkey and its mind took off.

First it chose the Rs 7,000-crore, 515-km express highway linking Thiruvananthapuram in the south with Kasaragod in the north. It zoomed across the state only to be slowed down by the finishing touches the 100-metre wide expressway had for accommodating a bullet train service, a power highway and a gas grid, apart from having in-built canal and cable ducts.

By the time it got back to the venue Memorandums of understanding (MoUs) worth over Rs 7,000 crore were signed at GIM (Global Investor Meet). The shrooms were really performing. The monkey met every investor congragulated him/her. He went overboard in his praise at the Royalty present, till he recognized the doorman who was his tenant of a single room dwelling.

In a spell of momentary lapse of reason the monkey befriended an exhilarated group who were neither global nor investors and went along for a boat ride in the seas of the hick town pretending to be a city. All matrices of development, investments and sexual exploits were thoroughly analyzed. The prime income generator of the state poured till the cup and some guts spilled over.

When the night cooled down the monkey lying on the floor of the boat, mistaken by others for a heap of soiled linen, tripped on The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda. In it these few lines meant more to the monkey now than it ever did. It said: The real secret of the mixture lies in the mushrooms” he said. They are the most difficult Ingredient to collect. The trip to the place where they grow is long and dangerous, and to select the right variety is even more perilous. There are other kinds of mushrooms growing alongside which are of no use; they would spoil the good ones if they are dried together. It takes time to know the mushrooms well in order not to make a mistake. Serious harm will result in using the wrong kind.

The Monkey now with the Global vision replaced the word mushrooms with Investors.
And he found his Moment of understanding.

Just as the Magic of mushrooms, the feeling ( which many years later another big cock up would call “Irrational Exuberance”) vanished. The Monkey bought another Calendar in 2004 and got on with his life.
Later that year the monkey learned after the much-publicised Global Investor Meet (GIM) aimed at showcasing Kerala as an investment destination, some existing industries are planning to exit the state.

Ironically, after the GIM, there has been little progress in the growth of industry. While 890 companies were registered between January 20, 2003, a day after the GIM and January 15, 2004, the average capital that came in through these companies was just Rs 15.07 lakh with an authorised capital of Rs 134.13 crore, according to statistics available with the Registrar of Companies.

The Monkey remembered the wise assessment of a writer at that time. “In reality, GIM or no GIM, Kerala is unlikely to be visited by the conventional angel of industrial development. Far better not to chase that dream, and let lesser flowers like lowly services bloom.”

The next five years went by. The Monkey voted ,copulated, drank, smoked, and in spare time tried to earn some sort of living.

Then he bought the 2009 calendar. A few months later he came across in the same hick town still pretending to be a bigger city hosting a world Investors meet. He was tempted to have another magic journey. But he just could not cope with disappointments on a large scale. Moreover he had taken to contributing to Beverages Corporation and thereby the State coffers in a big way.

A day after the meet he bought a Newspaper and sat down on the beach watching the House boats go by. A news item caught his eye. He sat there spellbound. It said: The recently concluded ‘Focus Kerala – World Investors Meet’ has been able to garner a possible investment of Rs 3,978.15 crore for the State from the two-day event……A total of 26 projects in various sectors have been planned. MoUs for 16 projects have been signed during the meet and 10 more will be signed soon. He sighed, stood up, ready to go get his sundowner.

Just then two young pretty things were approaching him. One of them bright and eager and the other one clearly challenged. He was watching this glorious sight when from nowhere a Caucasian with a Manual Camera and a huge lens jumped in between and started framing some perfect pictures.

The challenged one was scared. The pretty thing consoled her “he is only trying to FOCUS sweetie!!

What?? The both of us ?? asked the human mushroom.

The Monkey smiled. Not both of you dearies! He thought.
3.5 crores of us.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Inaugral Post:

A Psychiatrist's Delight.


Name: Shri. Malayali Monkey


Spouse: Smt. Malayali Manga


Children: Two Only


Educational Qualification: Post Graduate, No Qualification.


Presently Employed: Sometimes Yes, Sometimes No.


Do you Smoke? - Now and then.


What do you mean? - First Now after some time then!


Do you Drink Alcohol? - Occassionally.


Explain Occassionally? About 6 days in a week.


How much do you drink a day? About 6 drinks.


What do you Drink? - Rum - 3 -90ml, 2 - 60ml and 1-30ml.


Do you have extra marital sex?
Try weakly but no extra.

What are your political leanings?
No I am straight, but once I lean left and next time I lean right!

Are you sure you didn't mix up the last two questions?
Yes.

Since this blog is about the mindset of people like yourself and how it is flushing this state down the loo, I have to do a SWOT analysis, Will you please answer the following questions briefly?
Yes.
What do you consider is the great strength of people like yourself, that can contribute to the development of the State?


People like me are very strong and rare. From school itself we have been organising against powerful people who rule us. We like all of us to be rich and well off but society will not allow it. Distribution of wealth is more important than creation of it! The rich are robbing from the poor who have no money!


Come Again?
I have already come, why should I come again?


Forget it! So what exactly is your strength here?
We can organise people who have nothing so that we can we can make sure the rich people don't take away anything from them!!

Ok Dokeey! Next question - What do you think your weaknesses are?
We have no weakness! But the Imperialists.the capitalists and the not so red are trying to create weakness amongst us. But we are so strong that we can overcome their malicious efforts. There might be some weakness among us like money,drink,sex and a thirst for the good life. But that is only Human!!

Understandable! Next question - What do you think are the opportunities in the state with people like you?
The biggest opportunities in the state are offered by the millions of educated people like me who can organise people and workers into a mighty force. It is only when you depend on the english speaking,computer literate upper class you miss opportunities.We are all products of a universal education programme and we should insist only those Investors who are willing to employ our youth educated through SSLC syllabus and Government run colleges in Malayalam medium need to come here. Then we would be able to fight Globalisation, Privatisation and Corporate hegemony by creating more opportunities within our state.

You mean you want the State to address the people at the bottom of the pyramid?

No! At the bottom of the pyramid there are only dead people, Pharoes I think?

You do get to the root of the issue very easily don't you? Next question - What do you think are the threats to our State?

The threat is everywhere. Global Trade, Disinvestment,High prices,Education reform and the wasteful ID Card project. This government is destroying the Kerala Model. The threat comes from both the Center and the State Governments. If they want accountability,performance, transparency in public sevice they are trying to mimic the corporate ethics. Democracy is not about that! The true democracy should be the Corpoate sector trying to mimic the Government.

You know, when your wife asked me to grant you an appointment, I thought a routine consult and a cake walk. To be honest with you let me confess I have never met another person who looks at life through the wrong hole in the body! I pray the readers of this blog retrofit their vision to yours! Thanks a lot, we'll meet again often! And in parting let me say you have set the bar very high!!

Thank you Sir, We must meet there sometime. The Bar is not so high, Just two steps from the Main Road.